This week I wanted to cover a topic that typically comes up in my coaching conversations, the topic of relationships. Obviously, many types of relationships come up including work, academic and spiritual. However, today's focus is on the home or private relationship and how coaching can assist in improving it. Today I will give you 12 questions that may help you improve or create your ideal relationship with your current partner or if you are looking, a new partner.
As coaching is non-directive and certainly non-judgmental, these questions do not guarantee you a perfect relationship but should help you decide how to make progress towards improving your current situation or maybe setting off on the right path in a new relationship.
Sometimes clients come to coaches with some extremely exciting goals, examples are, I would like to get promoted, I am ready, I would like to move to a bigger company. I would like to start my own business. When I sit and work with the client, my first question is “what will this give you that you don’t currently have” this question is essentially and a non-judgmental way of asking “why?”
Some answers include, I will have more time with my partner comes up, or “my work is having an impact on my relationships” or even, “I just think it will allow me to have a healthier relationship at home”.
When the conversations drill down to the goal behind the goal, (of which 9 times out of ten there is one), it sometimes comes down to wanting to maintain a healthy relationship with a partner.
Do not misunderstand, healthy relationships are not necessarily those where the couple never fights or never disagrees with anything. Instead, a healthy relationship is one where the couple knows how to discuss their differences and disagreements and come to healthy solutions that are good for everyone involved. These relationships are ones where each of the partners feels comfortable talking to the other and where they both work together for the improvement of their relationship.
A romantic relationship is a commitment, and it's challenging at times. It's crucial to accept that there will be times that you and your partner will disagree, and there's nothing wrong with that. Each of us has our wants and needs so it is important to accept that everyone has disagreements in relationships. If you're focusing on improving your connection with your partner, that's something you need to accept.
A common challenge is sharing. Are you the kind of person who likes to talk about your personal life with your friends? What if your partner does not like other people knowing their business? Since you two are together, your business is also their business so you cannot just go sharing it with others if your partner does not want you to. Talk about it before you share your most intimate details with your friends.
The benefits of working through the questions alone, together, or in coaching are as follows.
There are understandably different sets of questions coaches ask when working with the ideal relationship with your present partner, as opposed to finding a new partner. We will focus on the present partner. If you would like the top 12 questions for finding the ideal partner, feel free to email me for this question sheet. There are plenty more questions for both of these areas, but these will certainly get you started.
At EDGE Coaching I use my 4N EDGE principles to move through the stages of questioning. These principles guide how I coach my clients in any situation.
Engage: What would you like to engage in achieving?
Develop: What would you like to develop from the current situation?
Grow: How can you grow in this area?
Evolve: To evolve in this area, what actions will you take?
Using this model will help focus on a step-by-step approach to your intention or goal. There are far more questions for each of these principles but here are the top 12 with respect to relationships.
As a coach, I love seeing relationships evolve, especially when the client, takes the actions they have created and agreed. Generally, self-awareness and good communication will always support a strong relationship.
“In a relationship, when communication starts to fade, everything else follows.”
Make the time to communicate more; you will never regret it.”
If you would like to discuss any area of this topic further, please contact me for a chat, or use this link.
Feel free to share this article with anyone you feel may benefit.
Enjoy improving your relationship via enhanced communication.
Richie Forde, Performance Coach and the Founder of Edge Coaching Services.