This week I wanted to write about, and give you a few ways to develop your Self-Reliance, after all :  
"Self -Reliance is the only true road to freedom and being one's own person is its own reward"- Patricia Sampson
What is strange is that as a coach, I spend most of my time with clients helping them to be just this, so they don't need me. Am I doing myself out of a job? No not at all, my job is to help you develop your self-reliance and people need support with this skill.

Here is my initial master plan

1. Be your own best friend; treat yourself like your most treasured friend whom you respect and trust. Remember never to talk down to yourself, always talk yourself up. Again speak to yourself as you would your very best friend.
2. Talk less; "those who know don't speak, those who speak don't know" The Tao. Self-reliant people are powerful, and powerful people talk less. They carefully think about bout what they want to say and articulate it concisely and clearly.
3. Keep your life private; Keep your own counsel and be very selective in the things you share with others. Don't open yourself or your world up to undermining comments, criticism and judgment.
4. Curb your neediness; This is not don't talk over things with friends this is more about not taking every small issue to someone else to be resolved. Instead, talk to yourself, be composed, and take responsibility for resolving your own inner turmoil.
5. Approve yourself; Stop talking to yourself or others about your little imperfections, these conversations weaken you and create a powerless person whose need for outside validation undermines any chance of a respectful relationship with yourself. always remember, you are far stronger than you think you are.

The Tip for this week  for this week is; Try to develop your Self-Reliance
Exercise
Take a pen and paper and answer these questions;

1. On a scale of 1-10, how much do I show faith in myself? 
2. When was the last time I made a major decision using my own judgement?
3. On a scale of 1-10, How much do I need other peoples approval?
4. On a scale of 1-10, how much do I like, respect and approve of myself?
5. When was the last time I took a risk that demonstrated faith and trust in myself, regardless what others thought?
6. What would my life look like if I backed myself 100 percent, trusted myself and didn't look for respect and trust from others?

Now for the next month practice the above masterplan and then start the question process again.
I know this can be a daunting prospect, so, if you need help to get started/going, please feel free to reach out. It won't cost you a thing, and I'd be happy to help.

We all know that the word NO has very negative connotations,  so this week I would like to share 10 alternatives to just saying NO. 
Last week, one of my clients was asking about how to make a more positive impact on students who were struggling in class. As most coaches would, I asked what my client wanted to achieve, what they were doing now, and what was the gap they needed to fill? It turned out that the students were getting disheartened when they got an answer incorrect, also the client didn't believe she was helping the situation. Now, I know my client is an excellent teacher, I have actually attended an online class as part of our sessions, but we quickly realized that it came down to one word, and that word was NO. 
Sometimes my client would (in the interests of time) just say no to a student if they got an answer incorrect. This is actually true of some leaders at work when an idea is proposed in a meeting, or a suggestion is offered on the workshop floor. as with students, employees can get disheartened if they feel they are not part of the building process.
I, for one, know this little quote to be true: 
A person (student or employee) who feels appreciated will always exceed their teacher or manager's expectation.
So today I have put together a couple of alternatives to the word NO, I know there are hundreds of others, but these especially will work for both students and employees. If you have any more, let me know by leaving a comment below. I would love to hear them and if I get enough, I will also share them as a poster or something similar.
Tip of the week: Try not to simply say NO.
Try these instead,
Let's look at this together?
Can you give me another suggestion?
Do you have another idea?
That's interesting, what made you think of that?
How can we make this work?
We may need to adjust your idea a bit
May I think about that?
How would you answer that question?
That's a good idea, however, can you think of any problems that may arise?
I like your thinking, let's set up a time to discuss this further?
By the way, my client started utilizing more open-ended questions and then used more statements like; good try, a nice thought, have another go and my favorite, lots of people think the answer is that, just like you do. It made a massive impact on them. As a teacher I always believed that the goal is to build trust with students so they knew, I wasn't trying to embarrass them.
Let me know your thoughts, but most importantly, have a great week out there.

I hope you enjoyed a restful weekend
This week I would like to share with you a tool I was given to support my clients between coaching sessions. This tool is all about using humor to build resilience. 
This week I have included the tool and attached the full document for you to share with your friends and colleagues to help them too.
But first as always, my weekly quote.
"A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing." –Laura Ingalls Wilder.
Did you know that Humor is a powerful way to bring more laughter, lightness, and joy into your life? Researchers have found that humor is an important way to create connections with others. You are 30 times more likely to laugh with other people than when you are alone.
Laughter has positive effects on your body by acting as a signal that you are relaxed and safe. When you laugh, your brain “decides” that everything is good and there is no need to be in survival mode.
This worksheet will help you reflect on funny things that happen throughout your day to add playfulness and laughter to your daily routine. Doing this activity daily for just one week has been shown to increase resilience and reduce depression.
So, my EDGE tip of the week is “Add a little more laughter to your day”
What to do
For this or every week, take 10 minutes each day to complete the following activity. You will need a notebook or journal and pen, or you may use the “notes” function on your smartphone.
Here goes,
1. At the end of each day, write down or type three funny things you experienced, witnessed, or heard, and describe how they made you feel. If you have a hard time remembering anything funny, search for “funny videos” on the Internet or watch a light comedy.
2. Next, write down why you found each thing funny. Also, note who you were with, were you with friends, co-workers, or family? Were you alone? Be as detailed as possible.
3. Use the attached chart to track your progress. Include the date, check off if you completed the activity, and note how you felt before and after writing about three funny things.
I have no doubt you will find this of value in your daily life, all I ask is that share it and let me know how it goes for you.
15._adding_humor_exercise.pdf
​15a_._adding_humor_exercise_full_doc.pdf

This week I would like to offer you some thoughts that may give you an EDGE. Just like success, getting an EDGE will mean different things to different people. For some it may be finding the one thing that makes their day more productive, for others, it may be a supporting tool to help them move out of their comfort zone in their life, be it at work or at home, in business, or in love. For others, it really could be as simple as something to help them enjoy each day, a little more.
 
As you know, this is the name of my Coaching business  (EDGE) and it is the model I use to help when partnering with clients. You may have noticed I use the following poem at the foot of all my e-mails as I believe it will resonate with many people wanting a little more, but may feel wary of stepping outside their comfort zone. It goes like this
 
“Come to the EDGE, “we can’t, we are afraid, “come to the EDGE”, “we can’t, we might fall”
“come to the EDGE”, and they came... and he pushed them, and they flew. Guillaume Apollinaire                                             
. 
I think there are many people in this world,  who would just love to take a step forward and see what they can really achieve. Some are being held back by inner doubts, fearing their real power and what may happen if it is unleashed and then, of course, there are those who are telling themselves they are content in their comfort zone, but looking out wondering what life is like on the other side. To these people I always say, you will never know unless you dip your foot over the EDGE.
 
So how do you go about doing this, stepping over the EDGE? Well, it starts with my 4-step plan which you can easily follow, and even if you only achieve step one, I guarantee you that you will be nearer to your intention than you are right now.
 
My Tip of the Week this week is "Create an EDGE for yourself"
 
Steps and what they may look like.
 
ENGAGE;  you don't have t go it alone

• Talk about your dream and or intentions to close trusted friends and family, better still, write it down and stick it on the fridge.
• Research what it might take to get there
• Find someone who is already where you want to be and ask how they did it.
• Look at your network for people who could help you with your intention and start asking questions
• think of your life having achieved this THING? how different is it?

DEVELOP; What are you doing now that will help you

• Which of your strengths will help you move closer to your intentions?
• What actions have you taken so far?
• What has stopped you from doing more?
• What are you doing now that is in the way if you doing that THING

GROW; What do I need to do to grow in this area

• What could I do, what options/choices do I have to take me closer to my intention?
• What ideas do you have?
• What are the different ways you could approach this issue?
• Whom do you know that would be good at this, what would they do?

EVOLVE;  Define your actions to get started

• What will you do, what is the first step?
• How will you do it, and by when?
• Is there anything you need to put in place beforehand?
• Who will you talk to, that will encourage, champion your efforts and maybe even hold you accountable?

I am sure you are already filling a tingle of excitement, I do every time I share this as I know and have seen where this can lead.
 Now, go and create your EDGE

I hope you all had a great bank holiday weekend.
I had the pleasure of playing golf actually, even though I am in beautiful Barbados, it was raining. In fact, we had to stop after nine as we were soaked. We retired to the bar and met up with some friends who were having a deep conversation about the world and how these days people are so easily manipulated by society. he spoke about how soccer players live their life based on their endorsements, that the opportunity to make a lot of money will change a person's way of living. He postulated that he could likely change the way people live their lives by inserting someone to overtime change their way of living.
 
It was an interesting conversation that had me thinking, I mean he had a point, and actually coaching is about supporting people to change the way they think. I suppose the fundamental difference was about people who want to change their thinking versus people who are being manipulated into believing things to appease others or for financial gain.
 
So this week I thought I would post a Tip of the week around living your values. I love this quote from a former Republican and attorney about living your values, he said:-
 
Your core values act like your internal compass that navigates the course of your life. If you compromise your values, you go nowhere. Roy T Bennett
 
The second line is a little harsh but the first one is entirely correct. I believe that the powerful thing about having strong values is that people get to know and understand you very quickly, knowing exactly where you will draw the line. If you are consistent in living your values, they will be a part of everything you do, at home or at work. You will never be manipulated or taken for granted in any way, in fact, you will more likely be respected for standing your ground because that's just the way you are built.
 
So this week, remind yourself of your core values, what you go out of your way to do or maybe not do. What generally makes you irritated or upset? (this will highlight a value not being met). Who are you?
 
Tip of the week. Live your best life, live your core values.
 
Think about it during this short week and see if you can live your values a little more. It has the ability to 

• reduce stress
• help you make better decisions
• help you find environments and people that support your aspirations
• increase your joy and happiness
• support your growth and development
• help in times of conflict or confusion
• grow your contribution and value
• and provide motivation

Understanding your value is one of my initial parts of a coaching engagement, if you would like some clarity with understanding what your value might be, give me a shout, I will happily take you through a tool to help you.