This week I wanted to cover a topic that typically comes up in my coaching conversations, the topic of relationships. Obviously, many types of relationships come up including work, academic and spiritual. However, today's focus is on the home or private relationship and how coaching can assist in improving it. Today I will give you 12 questions that may help you improve or create your ideal relationship with your current partner or if you are looking, a new partner.
As coaching is non-directive and certainly non-judgmental, these questions do not guarantee you a perfect relationship but should help you decide how to make progress towards improving your current situation or maybe setting off on the right path in a new relationship.
Sometimes clients come to coaches with some extremely exciting goals, examples are, I would like to get promoted, I am ready, I would like to move to a bigger company. I would like to start my own business. When I sit and work with the client, my first question is “what will this give you that you don’t currently have” this question is essentially and a non-judgmental way of asking “why?”
Some answers include, I will have more time with my partner comes up, or “my work is having an impact on my relationships” or even, “I just think it will allow me to have a healthier relationship at home”.
When the conversations drill down to the goal behind the goal, (of which 9 times out of ten there is one), it sometimes comes down to wanting to maintain a healthy relationship with a partner.
Do not misunderstand, healthy relationships are not necessarily those where the couple never fights or never disagrees with anything. Instead, a healthy relationship is one where the couple knows how to discuss their differences and disagreements and come to healthy solutions that are good for everyone involved. These relationships are ones where each of the partners feels comfortable talking to the other and where they both work together for the improvement of their relationship.
A romantic relationship is a commitment, and it's challenging at times. It's crucial to accept that there will be times that you and your partner will disagree, and there's nothing wrong with that. Each of us has our wants and needs so it is important to accept that everyone has disagreements in relationships. If you're focusing on improving your connection with your partner, that's something you need to accept.
A common challenge is sharing. Are you the kind of person who likes to talk about your personal life with your friends? What if your partner does not like other people knowing their business? Since you two are together, your business is also their business so you cannot just go sharing it with others if your partner does not want you to. Talk about it before you share your most intimate details with your friends.
The benefits of working through the questions alone, together, or in coaching are as follows.
There are understandably different sets of questions coaches ask when working with the ideal relationship with your present partner, as opposed to finding a new partner. We will focus on the present partner. If you would like the top 12 questions for finding the ideal partner, feel free to email me for this question sheet. There are plenty more questions for both of these areas, but these will certainly get you started.
At EDGE Coaching I use my 4N EDGE principles to move through the stages of questioning. These principles guide how I coach my clients in any situation.
Engage: What would you like to engage in achieving?
Develop: What would you like to develop from the current situation?
Grow: How can you grow in this area?
Evolve: To evolve in this area, what actions will you take?
Using this model will help focus on a step-by-step approach to your intention or goal. There are far more questions for each of these principles but here are the top 12 with respect to relationships.
As a coach, I love seeing relationships evolve, especially when the client, takes the actions they have created and agreed. Generally, self-awareness and good communication will always support a strong relationship.
“In a relationship, when communication starts to fade, everything else follows.”
Make the time to communicate more; you will never regret it.”
If you would like to discuss any area of this topic further, please contact me for a chat, or use this link.
Feel free to share this article with anyone you feel may benefit.
Enjoy improving your relationship via enhanced communication.
Be strong; you have it within you
My tip of the week is here, it's a simple message to take on board for this week.
“Be strong; you have it within you”
I found a great article on this topic one day whilst doing research. I was so taken by it I thought I would adapt and share it with my coaching clients. As a coach, it is my role to challenge, support, and encourage my clients, so this is one of the articles I share with them. Today I share the essence of this article with you to practice, so you may achieve “more” in the coming week. We are all unique so only you know in what way you need to be "more".
The power we have within us is incredible and yet we often leave it untapped. When we are tested by life’s defining moments, we can see just what we are really made of. We have dreams within us that just want to come forth, but we often let our fear of not being capable stop us. We wake up in the morning and doubt sometimes fills our head when we should be focusing on all that we are capable of, because there is so much.
I have so many incredibly strong clients, that I want to hold up a mirror to make them fully see how powerful they are.
Do you know how amazing you are? Yes, YOU.
My tip of the week is this “Be strong; you have it within you.”
You are strong, capable, and filled with precious gifts that can allow you to live an extraordinary and fulfilling life. The first step is fully seeing this. Really connecting with your true self and acknowledging your inner power. It might be something you already do from time to time or perhaps you’ve never even thought about it.
STOP!! Be still for a moment and think of all the acts of courage you’ve performed in your life. They can be big or small, mental, physical, or emotional.
PRACTICE!! Make a conscious decision to go within daily, to honor your gifts and strengths, and watch how being aware of them starts to change the course of your life.
You know I love a quote, so I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Yogi Bhajan:
“You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are.”
Wishing you a magical Monday filled with moments of realization that you are stronger than you believe, and which inspire you to be "more".
Did you find this post helpful? Share it with your friends, email it to them, and wish them a happy Monday! The more we bring daily inspiration into the lives of others, the better.
I understand we are in difficult times so remember, if you would like help to untap your power or potential, make contact, I am always ready to help.
Have a great week.
Are you living life according to your values?
Does your life currently mirror any of these statements?
You are often unhappy and demotivated.
You are often negative and tired.
You are not being a great role model (if a parent or leader).
Positivity, truth, and integrity represent a few of the things we all regard as core values. Creating and laying foundations for your ideal life involves understanding what really matters to you.
Whether you recognize them or not, all of us have a set of personal core values.
Core values: a principle or belief that a person (or organization) views as being of central importance to them.
Some values have been with us since our early childhood, we may have acquired them from within our family, religion, peer groups, or even educational establishments. Sometimes we are not entirely aware of our values, because they only come to our attention when they are confronted. Even then, we sometimes don’t realize why we feel challenged or discontent.
Becoming aware of your values and beliefs can also help you to understand what may be holding you back from doing what you really want to do.
“Living a life that conflicts with the values that are important to you, is akin to being a ship bobbing around in the sea without any direction and at the mercy of the waves.”
Having well-defined core values helps us avoid making choices that work against who we want to be. They become a clear set of guidelines for our words and actions, consistently moving us in the direction aligned with our core beliefs and personal vision.
Our life becomes one of our choosing, not one that is directed by the decisions of others. Our values help us build and maintain our identity as unique individuals. Roy E. Disney, once a senior executive for the Walt Disney Company once said:
“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” Roy E. Disney
Unlike my opening postulations, tell-tell signs of a person living their values are:
They are happy and motivated.
They are positive and energized.
They are a great role model.
Knowing and understanding your values can provide several benefits that include:
You can discover some of your core values by completing the exercise below and asking yourself what matters to you in life.
Here are 8 questions that can help you begin to understand which core values you live by.
Recall a time when things were going well for you, then write down what comes to mind.
Q1. What were you doing?
Q2. What feeling(s) did you have that told you things were going well?
Q3. Which core values were being fulfilled here?
Recall a time when things were not going so well.
Q4. What was happening here that was different from the time above?
Q5. Which core values do you believe, were being dishonored here?
Extra questions to consider when trying to discover your core values.
Q6. When you are celebrating your 90th birthday, what do you want to celebrate about your life?
Q7. What are you doing when you feel the most content?
Q8. What inspires you to take action?
Coaching can support you in identifying your values, help you honor them, whilst assisting you in finding a way of living that is unique to you. We help you explore the values that are important to you and the values you may want to pass on to your children by daily family life. If you have a family, (or even if you haven’t) it is an excellent time to assess your values and the way you live them
It is worth remembering that living a life that conflicts with the values that are important to you, may mean, you are not as in control of your life as you wish. Values provide a compass; they give you direction and ensure you achieve your destination.
Finally, it should be said that values provide the measures that help us live meaningful lives that fulfil our given purpose. Living a life of meaning brings us joy.
“Living with integrity means behaving in ways that are in harmony with your values.” Barbara De Angelis
If you are interested in finding out more about your values or would like to work on “discovering how to live” your core values, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit www.edgebarbados.com and use the contact page.
Today I am sharing “Three stressbusters for parents with children.” If they can be practiced each day throughout the week, there is a great chance they can become a habit and therefore relieve a little stress for parents in these challenging times.
Stressbusters for parents with children should always be done together and if you have more than one child, try to do them all together; when thinking of stress generically, we often realize that the same things seem to set it off; it’s always good to remember this quote: -
“Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed.”
With this, let us form some good habits.
Tip of the week “Form some good habits.”
“Use the ABC.”
Manage your stress before responding to the children using my ABC:
Acknowledge you are getting stressed.
Breathe and count to ten.
Choose how to respond in your new relaxed state.
Build relaxation into the daily routine; this habit you can do at intervals throughout the day (especially when you can hear the kids arguing)
“Make children laugh at least once a day:
Be a positive role model and take responsibility for your own emotions, and demonstrating self-care.
Take the kids for a walk and laugh together doing it. Do something together to help release stress.
“3E’s to build a relationship.”
Engage with them.
Explore how they are feeling.
Empower them (we)
What could you do together to reduce their stress?
It is always interesting working with parents and children, but the main thing I always say to parents is this: -
“Have fun, be grateful and be kind.”
“Playing is for everyone, and it is one of the best ways to relieve stress. Set an hour or two every day to play with your children”….. Rowena Cauba
… Make the time; you will never regret it.”
If you would like to know more about stressbusting for parents with children, please contact me for a chat; EDGE Coaching services have several services that can help you to manage your or your child’s’ stresses.
Feel free to share this article with other parents you feel may benefit.
Enjoy putting these into practice.
SMART support for teenagers
I hope your week has been fruitful and you are getting things done in a peaceful and stress-free environment.
I write this sentence this way deliberately, as today I have a couple of questions for you.
Are you in a situation where you must care for teenagers and their studies at home?
Do you know how they are feeling about their studies in these challenging times?
Lately, several people have asked how coaching can help students, so today, I thought it would be great to address this again.
We all know most children want to do well in school, but they may be falling behind with the current situation they face. The change in circumstance may mean they are not sure how best to take notes or study. Due to working from home, they have trouble focusing, completing work, getting "stuck," or giving up easily
How would you like to do more to help them?
On my website, under the education tab, Parents and Carer's, I have this beautiful sentence I borrowed from the late, great Whitney Houston; the beautiful yet apt words inspire me to best the best teacher I could be, and now the best possible coach.
"I believe that children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way."
As a former educator, my focus on working with teenagers has always been to "let them lead the way." Coaching teenagers is always a source of inspiration because, if we are honest, they have probably had enough of being told what to do. In fact, they want to be treated like adults but are usually considered children, and on the other side, parents want them to act like adults but still treat them as children. It must be so frustrating for them, and we, as coaches, are here to watch them grow.
A former student recently wrote me and kindly wrote the following as part of her message.
"Even though it’s been almost 2 years since you left, I still think about what you’d probably say to me now if I showed up at your office. Knowing that I had one teacher, you, that genuinely believed in me and made me feel like I could achieve all the way to the top - that often gives me the strength to keep going even though I know I have some teachers that doubt my ability".
The SMART way to support them, in Whitney's words, is to "let them lead the way," empower them and allow them to make decisions.
I always used the SMART coach approach, and I'd like to share it with you.
To read this informative SMART Coaching article on how to work closely with and support your teenagers with their studies,
SMART Coaching with students
I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
I hope you are well and finding time to be your authentic self, in and outside of the working environment.
The coaching relationship is transformative, and I would love to share the attached article with you.
What is your favorite inspirational quote? Is it sat there on a note on your desk as a reminder that there is more to life, or does it speak to the fact that you do this role because you care about your students and staff? That’s great, but who cares about you and your well-being? Who is your champion or who acknowledges you when you do things well?
We all need someone to champion us or, at the very least, someone to remind us of the huge impact we are having on our community; it is part of our DNA. Where do you get yours?
The short article of the week, “Lonely at the top” (Sharpen you EDGE newsletter November 2019) really got me thinking about how to use my knowledge and experience from 16 years in the British Education system to support the education system here in Barbados. I‘m sure there are a few different ways; “Coaching for Performance” is definitely one of them.
My remit for starting my business, EDGE Coaching Services, was to empower and support our youth and those working with them. As a former educator, my perspective on how best to support the education establishment starts with coaching and you, the Principal.
“What is a coaching relationship really like?” is an article I really like and have attached for you. I encourage you to make time to read it, I know it will be of value to you.
One of my clients who is a headteacher said " I have found these coaching sessions invaluable. I am a very experienced headteacher, and as such have not had the opportunity to have a platform where I am able to examine my vulnerabilities and really think about why I do and think, the way I do in work and pull apart the possible impact of doing things differently"
Then if this is something that sparks any curiosity in you, give me a call or book a free 1-hour call and have the chance to experience first-hand the benefits of the coaching relationship and the role it could play in supporting both your well-being and personal performance.
The call is to provide a confidential, safe, non–judgmental space to spend an hour exploring ways to amongst other things:
– Achieve a greater sense of clarity about your direction as a school leader
– Gain a clearer perspective on any challenges that you may be facing
– Identify positive steps for moving forward
On the other hand, we could just have a chat about whatever is on your mind.
Enjoy the article.
Richie Forde, Performance Coach and the Founder of Edge Coaching Services.